Lately our five month old has had some trouble sleeping. I suppose it's just the milestones that come with more growth, developmental advances, and teething. It started with him suddenly taking an hour and a half to get to sleep at night. I've always enjoyed just nursing him peacefully to sleep, but all of a sudden he was waking up every ten minutes after we put him down, and just couldn't seem to stay asleep!
Having put quite a bit of thought and prayer into how we wanted to do bedtimes in our family, I had somehow imagined that doing it that way would mean it would always work, and it would always be peaceful. Being a new, inexperienced mom, hitting the first rocky patch made me question myself and the path we had chosen through the myriad of parenting opinions- what if I was doing it all wrong? Would my kids be maladjusted and needy? Would everyone else think they were and that it was all the fault of my parenting? Would it take 2 hours EVERY night for him to fall asleep? It's just so easy to beat yourself up.
Fortunately, it was just the same as every other terrible, horrible, I'll-never-make-it-through-this phase of having a baby- just a phase. We talked about it, prayed about it some more, reconfirmed why we wanted to do things this way,developed more patience and unselfishness, strengthened our communication and relationship in our marriage, and our love for our son by sacrificing for him. And after a bit of time and consistency, it got better.
Did I want a quick fix? Oh yes. Did I spend time searching the Internet for any bedtime technique that would solve all my problems and give me wake-free nights, easy bedtimes and long naps? Of course. I did the same thing during other challenging phases too, and, let's face it, I'll probably do it again.
But every time it's come back to those same things- be patient, work together with your husband, communicate, pray. Ok, and cry a little, but that's ok- you're just normal, and it is hard. But it will pass, and by pushing through it you'll develop a deeper capacity for love, a larger reservoir of patience, a better understanding of sacrifice, and stronger relationships with the people you love.
And there will be beautiful, wonderful moments, too. Like last night, as baby boy was falling asleep next to me, his feet twitching, then gradually slowing down as he completely relaxed while i nursed him. He pulled away just as he was falling asleep, then tucked his cheek up close to me. I suddenly didn't want to run away to a nice quiet evening of "me time", I just wanted to stay right there close to him a little bit longer- just to treasure that moment.
So, yeah, it's hard. But, OH! It's wonderful.
