There's a widespread fable in the parenting-advice world that goes something like this: " if you don't train your baby to fall asleep on his own, he'll NEVER learn. If you nurse him every time he wakes up, he'll get addicted to it and wake up more often. If your baby isn't sleeping through the night by 6 months you better sleep train him fast, because that's the ONLY WAY to do it. It's hard, but if you just let him cry, he'll learn to sleep on his own and everything will be perfectly easy after that."
I can't say anything about the truth of the last sentence, because I can't sit quietly by and allow my child to cry when i know I can do something to help him. I understand parents do this because they truly believe that it's "for the child's good." I do the same when my child cries in the car seat, or when he gets his shots- I hate it, but i know it's for the best. But I can tell you, from my limited experience, that the first three statements are absolutely false. I'm not writing this to tell anyone that they're evil or wrong for doing things differently than me- I'm writing this to give hope to all the new moms, who, like me, want to comfort their child and help him fall asleep peacefully, but are fearful they'll do things wrong and "he'll never learn to sleep on his own". It's not true.
I nursed my baby to sleep every night, and now that he's nursing less, he will often just lie by me on the bed, making sweet babbling noises as his wiggly feet gradually slow and stop twitching and he drifts peacefully off to dreamland. I nursed my baby every time he woke up at night because that was the quickest way for me to get him (and me) back to sleep. Sometimes he woke up a lot. Occasionally he still does, but usually now I just wrap him back up in his blanket and he goes right back to sleep. Sometimes we snuggle for a little while in my bed and I put him back in his when he's completely out again. A lot of the time he sleeps through the night on his own. Yes, he learned to do that, gradually, on his own.
I know it's not easy. I lost a lot of sleep this year. But, looking back now, I wouldn't change a thing. I love being there each night and watching the gradual relaxing process my little wiggly, energetic, full of the joy-of-life 1 year old goes through. I love feeling his little head tucked under my shoulder and his soft breath on my arm. My friends with older children who have done things similarly tell me that it gets even better. More than anything, I want my children to know that if they need me- mom will do her best to be there. I want to give them the safe home-base they need in order to fly. One of my most vivid memories of childhood is standing in my parent's bedroom door, scared by a bad dream, but not wanting to disturb them. I didn't think I'd made a sound, but my mom was immediately awake and knew it was me from across the dark room- "what is it, Margrethe?" she asked. Perhaps some would think I was too old to seek comfort, but my mom never pushed me away- she opened up her arms to me and in them I've found the strength to stand on my own.
I don't want to make anyone feel guilty for doing things differently than me. There's too much guilt-tripping and finger pointing on this issue all over the internet. Goodness knows I saw a lot of it this year when I was searching for someone to give me hope. That's what I hope this will be for someone- the faith to keep doing what you feel is best for your child. So, do what your instincts tell you, even if it goes against the parenting book. Be patient, things WILL get better. In fact, there will be moments so beautiful it will make every sacrifice you made more than worth it.
